First round summary

It's a poignant moment, the sixteenth game, as it's the last game where you get to see teams for the first time. It's a reminder that the clock is ticking, on the World Cup, on the summer, on our lives. If you're about twenty the hour hand is pointing towards the three on all of them.

For most of us, the days when those clocks could ever chime together are long gone. Where are the snows of yesteryear? Melted away, like our innocence and our Strawberry Mivvis. At least we know where the full backs of yesteryear are. They're in Brazil explaining goalline technology to Jonathan Pearce.


Like Countess Bathory trying anything to postpone the inevitable, FIFA scheduled the Brazil v Mexico game before Russia against South Korea. Of course this didn't extend our magical global dreamtime by a millisecond, it just meant that the first hello old friends game preceded the last pleased to meet you one by three hours, muddying the timeline and confusing us emotionally. All right, confusing me emotionally. What do you want, perspective? You can have some perspective in August.

So what have we learnt so far?

As expected, South American teams have started well
4 wins and 2 losses, 13 goals to 8. It's hard to tell about Europe yet, as the big scores were mainly European teams beating the crap out of each other. Talking of which -

Fucking hell Spain
Fucking hell Spain

Teams are scoring late
The average goal has been scored in the 13th minute of the second half. 4 goals have been scored in second half injury time, including Switzerland's winner against unlucky Ecuador.

After all these years, Brazil still struggle to find goalkeepers
Not that Julio Cesar has done badly, but it's hard to imagine them filling any other position on the pitch with someone who's had to move to a Canadian club because he couldn't break into the first team at Queens Park Rangers.

They save the riots for the home team
The 57 to 61 games that don't have Brazil in just don't have the same ability to enrage.

ISIS have banned watching the World Cup In Raqqa, Iraq, and are confiscating TVs to enforce this
Surely this is going too far? It's like they don't even care if we like them.

What is it with the fan masks?
Mexican wrestling masks, Cameroonian tiger masks, knitted rainbow masks, halloween masks. I can think of three reasons to wear a mask. You're about to do some arc-welding, it helps you to get it on, you don't want the things you're about to do to be traceable to you. So which is it?

The songs in the adverts really get stuck in your brain
After two days in the desert sun ...

Don't get Albas oil in your eyes
Not strictly speaking a football fact, but it's still my most vivid memory of the tournament so far.

More topical analysis soon. While you wait, here are 32 creatively dressed fans who will make your day. Ignore the clickbait at the bottom, the diet won't be revolutionary and a bizarre trick is just a weird old one repackaged. The pictures are nice, though. In that way the article is just like the World Cup. Ignore the corporate slurry around the edges, it's the fans that make it.